Most of my clients come to be because their family do not know they are not religious. Either you have decided you want to tell them, or you are thinking about it but can’t decide what to do.
Here is an exercise where we weigh up the pros and cons of coming out to family. This is mine, but please create your own. I would suggest using the questions I have included to help you work through this. All the guilt and shame that is put onto us is a result of generations of toxic culture, it isn’t our shame to carry. It took me a while to realise this, and I hope one day you can see this too.
Please note that this exercise isn't going to suddenly make it easier. You might even come away thinking the Pros don’t outweigh the Cons – that’s fine. This is your decision to make. If you decide not to tell them that is okay. And if you do decide to tell them, that’s okay too!
Pros | Cons |
Can live life how I want; dress how I want, eat what I want, date who I want = increased confidence Ask yourself: How will my life look in 20 years if I tell them? | Cant be my authentic self – will have to live a life I don’t enjoy with a partner I don’t want to be with, raising kids to believe in a religion that I don’t believe in Ask yourself: How will my life look in 20 years? |
Find out who is there for me because they want to be, rather than based on conditions. | Upsetting/embarrassing family – being made to feel I have bought shame on them Who is putting these feelings of shame onto you? What have you actually done ‘wrong’? |
Normalises that people like you exist, will help others get the confidence to do the same, leading to it being easier for the next generation | Abuse/disownment from family If they can’t accept you for who you are, what does this say about them? |
Check back here for more helpful tips and tools to help you on your journey, good luck!