Happy Kufrmas

A few years ago I met a group of ex-Muslims who used the term ‘Kufrmas’ instead of Christmas, and it still makes me laugh! I wanted to acknowledge everyone who might be going through family estrangement, or loss of Faith, as Christmas can be particularly difficult for those people at this time of year and especially on Christmas Day. I know Covid has led to a few people being alone this year, but being on your own due to family circumstances is very different to being on your

Stupid shit people say

1) Everything happens for a reason Ah this old chestnut. If your therapist ever says this to you, please ask for your money back and find a different one. I mean I guess that it could be true, if the reason is that life can be cruel and completely unfair. People used to say this to me about my estrangement. ‘hey Aisha, I know you don’t have any contact with your family, and they have said some really shitty things to you, but ya know, everything happens for a reason’. Of cour

It's okay to be okay(ish)

I want to talk to you about 2015. The year I ‘came out’ of the ex-Muslim closet to my family. I was depressed and had no idea how to cope with the emotional turmoil I was in. I remember my walk to work was 20 minutes. I used to have to sit and take a rest halfway as my legs felt like they were too weak to carry me. I realised this was lethargy - my body feeling like it isn’t strong enough to carry me. I used to sit on a wall halfway on my walk and cry thinking that I am in my

How Ramadan bought an ex-Muslim clarity

Ramadan is coming up soon, and I always remember that Ramadan was the period in my life when I fully accepted I am no longer a Muslim. I can’t remember the exact year, I think it was around 2012, I was living alone. I had been having doubts for years, but I never let myself admit that I didn’t believe in any of it anymore. It seemed incomprehensible, and I knew the consequences would be too great. So I woke up for Sehri (this is when Muslims get up to eat and pray, before the

Sometimes doing anything is better than doing nothing.

The absence of family or friends on certain celebrations can be difficult. For example, this week was Eid. For many of my ex-Muslim friends (closeted and none closeted) this is a day they still spend with family. They enjoy the cultural elements, being around family and of course, all the food! Eid for me now is very different, in that it is non-existent. In fact, I didn’t know Eid was coming up until about 3 days earlier a work colleague mentioned it. We might all be differe